HutchDeluxe

Decisions

2011-02-08T16:00:00.000-08:00

I decided to cut my losses with the EAP. The case manager admitted they are only designed to handle crisis counseling, and have no psychologists on their panel. All the claims that they would be willing and prepared to refer me to care for a clinical condition, should I actually be found to need/have it, were well-intentioned lies. I think the fact that two of the people I talked with were surprised with my frustration and wanting to get me somewhere useful made me hang in and try. Otherwise, I probably would have reached this conclusion sooner. Or not, who knows.

Anyway, I looked through the panel for my regular insurance benefits and found a psychologist that isn't too far away, and lists the kinds of specialties I think will cover the experience I want in a therapist. I got the number in my phone and have a reminder to call tomorrow. It's just overwhelming enough that I don't feel too guilty putting it off one more day. Just getting around to trying this again was a lot of effort.

Second session and some ideas

2011-01-20T11:31:00.000-08:00

I didn't have enough reason to start over again, so I went to my second session with the same person to explore my challenges. When I mentioned my reasons for wanting to consider ADD still and doubts of her dismissing it, she explained that she hadn't ruled it out, but wanted to leave addressing it until after we've tried more conventional ways to help with my work. The idea there is that if it works, then ADD isn't enough of a problem to attack directly, but if it fails, then we need to explore other approaches and causes.

Her technique idea was sound: make a very short list each morning of what to work on that absolutely has to be done that day, and one thing to work on in the evening(s) toward my personal goals (i.e., the house project). For the weekend, it can be one or two things for personal productivity, but not too many, being sure to leave time for my own well-being. I'll give that a try. I think the reason I'm still hesitant about her approach is that I'm about problem solving at a systems level, and finding out the cause and as many details as possible about the problem. Maybe after the third session, I'll look into seeing a psychologist instead of a social worker, with the idea that psychologists are more versed in the analytical approach I'm expecting.

She also talked about the difference in cost through my insurance of seeing in-network and out-of-network providers, and she's not on the provider network. Next visit, I hope to clear up the options I have as to seeing her or someone else after this with my insurance. My wife wisely caught on to the fact that I was stressed out about that, obsessing over being able to be diagnosed partly because I felt I needed that ASAP in order to be able to continue care, and not "dead end" before getting somewhere meaningful. I have another reason to crave a diagnosis too though: my own root-cause technical approach. I was trying to think of the part about stressing on the diagnosis for insurance reasons during the session and couldn't remember it when it was my turn to talk, and she said I could leave her a voicemail when I thought of it. I don't think it's necessary though, since we can address that at the next visit along with the billing details she was going to provide.

I told you so

2011-01-13T15:16:00.000-08:00

And that's ADHD, when I know I'm more inclined toward ADD (non-hyperactive).

First step toward diagnosis

2011-01-13T14:01:00.000-08:00

I had my first session, and in a classic case of Deja Vu, I talked about a lot and had my notion of being ADD dismissed. I was being open-minded and free associating at the time, so I let it slide, but hours later, I went from upbeat to angry for letting the progress drift. Again, with my problem focusing, get it? Grr. But it occurred to me this morning in the shower why saying someone who keeps close relationships can't be ADD is absurd. My good friend who has been diagnosed with ADD has been married for 12 years. He taught himself to code in assembly language too, so obviously people with ADD can concentrate on what they really want to sometimes. I need to bring these details up in my next session, among other things.

My wife and I argued, moderately uncomfortably, about what I should do, expect, and consider when it comes to my therapy. I think I decided not to start over just now, after going back and forth on it. I tried to tell her I didn't want to talk about it because I'm too confused and upset, and I wanted to think more about it first instead of vent, at her. I had to say that twice before she really would back off. That made me feel even worse.

After all that, the whole "now what" remains. A few things come to mind, at least to address next time, whether with the same counselor or not:

ADD needs to still be a consideration, because multiple problems (not just follow-through) arise from my difficulty CONCENTRATING, and I know someone who is ADD and does not fit her one reason for dismissing it.
Communication - I have issues with co-workers and my spouse around it, as well as parents. I come across hostile more than I want to, but I also have assertiveness issues.
Procrastination - A prime concern, for work and personal reasons. Probably my central issue, because it involves productivity and credibility.
Assertiveness/self-esteem - A legitimate issue. Maybe it has to do with why I didn't push back about having ADD. I doubt myself and my thoughts a lot.
Exercize - does my lack of it coincide with my emotional discomfort?
Family - I do value my family, but they are a source of discomfort in some ways as well. Besides the awkwardness with my brother, I regret belittling my dad while we share much of the same personality flaws.
Need for my own time/activities - This didn't get mentioned and I'd like to find a balance for it, but it might be better addressed in couples therapy.
Life-coaching and peer accountability - I'd like to have some context in which I more regularly talk with someone about my goals, brainstorm and experiment with ways to work on them, and share ideas. Maybe I can just start by setting aside time to do that stuff on my own.

Causes of Procrastination

2011-01-01T12:21:00.000-08:00

I think one of my main "problems" is the tendency to overinflate setbacks (mountains out of molehills), and that can certainly lead to procrastination! Just the process to get a referral to a helpful psychologist seemed overwhelming, especially when trying to describe it all to my wife afterward. I'd say a lot of procrastination is based on distorted perception/perspective on the task to be done, including...

perceived time (available, and duration of the task)
perceived difficulty (past challenges/frustrations, size of task)
perceived need (importance to self, others)
perceived ability (your own confidence in performing it adequately)

I tend to be analytical, so that's something I should use to my advantage. That is, I not only need to break down tasks to be done into smaller bits (something that's been suggested for ADD sufferers), but also become more aware and record how I think and behave around delaying tasks.

Philosophizing

2010-12-27T11:52:00.000-08:00

Just got back from the "real" honeymoon, offline for a whole week. I nearly finished Plato's Republic on the trip, and combined with the general break and relaxing with the missus, I re-evaluated a lot of life and priorities. No huge epiphany, just thinking more along the lines of a simplified life and working on my total health: mental, physical, and social. Yesterday I talked a bit with my mom (and dad weighed in too) about some of the concepts in The Republic, and how it related to what she challenged me to think about their former misbehaving neighbor dilemma. She and I agreed to exchange more literature on the subject, and hope to talk more in the future on matters of the mind. I hope to find others to do the same with, and try to include the missus on that too.

We touched on the topics of procrastination and ADD symptoms, which all 3 of us (myself and parents) have varying struggles with, so maybe we'll support each other in the effort to improve there. I was a bit saddened by my dad's discouragement with his challenges, most of which I share. Looks like we'll be making this a regular topic at their house, right up there with developing the new house and Volkswagen. But I'm going to start with trying to get some kind of clinical assessment through my EAP, if I can just find a provider that talks my language.

I made another list over the vacation, but even that needs revising. I was just trying to see what sort of efforts I have on the table, and need to break it down to what to tackle in the near future, from exercize and marriage skills to money and physical things.

Working for me

2010-11-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

The backlog of projects for myself is getting oppressive, and it's not just "honey-do" household stuff or little fun projects. I have a lot of stuff that needs attention, for both my long-term happiness and to get started on my next career. Let's start with a list.

container house: lot division, site prep
notchback build
container bike parking at PSU
blimp (drawings)
retirement financing
condo wiring and Internet
HOA board candidates

I also realized I have a lot of vacation time, and won't need to use any when we go on our next vacation. Now I think I should take a mini-sabbatical and spend 2 weeks or so, working on this stuff with purpose. January looks like a good time to work on it.

Turns out I get next Thursday off work. Maybe I can at least get the wiring going, and focus the car plan that day.

Procrastination, the first

2010-10-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

I thought it might be nice to have a running tally of my attempts at fighting procrastination, insights gained, and so forth.

I can remember all the way back in grade school, getting behind on homework assignments and cranking stuff out at the last minute. Basically, I've been getting away with poor time management for a long time.

The first book I read about procrastination (which I still haven't finished) spent a lot of time trying to explain why they thought people procrastinated, focusing on perfectionism and fear of failure. For me, the only part that rang true was that it involved an unrealistic view of time and what can actually be accomplished before a given deadline. There's truth to that, but it still doesn't cover the tendency to avoid things even when a set time is chosen.

A few things that jump out at me personally that I've read so far:

* Lack of confidence in one's own abilities can trigger the impulse to delay
* The decision to delay vs. act is affected by multiple factors, including time left, perceived importance, ease of task, and interest in doing task
* It's more about general impulse control as opposed to rational decision making, much like addiction psychology

My wife's friend and co-worker, by what I've been told, has fought a lot of the same work and time failings as me, and recently lost her job over it. That gives me pause, much like seeing a fellow addict overdose.

I even put self-improvement in my marriage vows. My wife deserves the best husband I can be, and I can't afford to lose my job. This is serious business.

Now I get it

2008-10-01T13:40:00.001-07:00

It's all about making time and a real effort to genuinely relax. A certain special young lady has shown me just how much difference it makes, and she's just learned it from her own recent experience. I already feel better. The personal MySpace profile is gone. Hopefully Facebook doesn't become equally pointless and oppressive.

Karaoke is still something I'm working on, but I'm not forcing myself to be there all the time. That's a big relief. I'm getting back into swing dancing, and it's good fun. Now I just need to start doing yoga and capoeira. And keep at cleaning and exercise.

So glad that I'm done looking for someone to date. Work has been a lot better lately, and I'm proud of my progress. I just hope I can get some momentum on the Volkswagen, and carry that into the container home project.

Slight Sidetrack

2008-09-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

I got asked to do a paid DJ gig playing rock! I don't have to do all vinyl or beatmatch the whole time, but I'll focus on those as much as I can. It happened to be the Saturday after my surgery appointment so I'm going to reschedule that.

I found two interesting ladies to date close to my age at the same time. Tonight is my first with the more indie one, but last night was date three with the other. Awesome concert. I should know really soon where things are going, but it seems like a good change is in store.

Thursday is a good night for the capoeira class with the group I saw at Last Thursday, so I should go there this coming week. Work is really busy, and I am planning to re-vamp karaoke ASAP. Not making a lot of progress with the Volkswagen but I think I'll get back to it soon, after my bicycle is fixed up. The truck is running nicely at least. But I got the motherboard for the CAD computer I'm building, so the container home plan should get under weigh soon. Just getting a permit, web showcase, or LEED application going would be satisfying, and I think a proper SketchUp drawing will get that in motion.

Overall I'd say life is good and promising.

Surgery

2008-09-09T16:21:00.001-07:00

I got me a vasectomy appointment. :) 10/23. It's a Thursday so I have 2 days off of work, but a week of taking the bus and driving. Good thing the truck runs fine now.

Ooh, it would put a damper on a dance class, I just realized. Well, if it's weekly, hopefully I'll only miss one. Might even go to the class and watch, just to commit the moves to memory.

It's been years since I had a budget, but now I'm bringing it back. The house and Volkswagen cost money to build, and I don't have nearly enough in my Roth IRA. I miss cooking too, which saves money and makes me healthier. Oh, and I'm back on a simple exercise regimen. I want to do yoga though, for flexibility, balance, and mental focus. Any direction with that would be appreciated. Especially if it involves a class full of women. Ha!

Wireless discovery

2008-07-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

After the demise of MetroFi, which was my fast, free Internet access at home since I moved in, I had no Internet connection at the condo. Cafes nearby have free WiFi, but my laptop doesn't do everything and I don't always want to go buy a treat just to get online. After checking on sharing with neighbors, I decided to try Internet through my cellphone.

A few months ago, I decided to upgrade my phone and wanted one that could at least do EDGE (the fastest data speed T-Mobile has). I hate the Windows Mobile phones, and Blackberries are expensive. So I went with the Samsung T-639, hoping someday I could use Bluetooth to connect from my computers to the Internet when WiFi isn't available. Someday just got here.

On Linux it wasn't cooperating my first couple of tries. So, I plugged my USB Bluetooth transceiver into my work laptop with Windows XP, and called up T-Mobile's tech support during the day. About half an hour later, I had Internets. Using the settings from the Windows config and some online cookbooks, I got my EeePC laptop working through my phone too. It was a pretty short step from there to make my home Ubuntu computer do the same.

How fast is it? It's not speedy, but it's about twice as fast as a 56k dialup connection. The fastest I've clocked it was around 170kbps. Good enough to get songs on my eMusic subscription, reasonably well. Turns out I got a phone that does the upcoming 3G service from T-Mobile, which was a nice surprise. It's supposed to show up here around October, and then my Internet access will hopefully get faster. It costs $20 now on top of my regular calling plan for unlimited Internet including browsing on the phone, which is a bargain at less cost than a land line. It even gives me unlimited T-Mobile hotspot usage if I need it.

I love not having a cable or DSL bill on top of my cellphone.

One more weekend for July

2008-07-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't made serious progress on the house plan, and that just won't do. Sunday will be nothing but drafting. Billing got messed up on my web hosting but that should be back online soon, and I'll publish the design spread there.

Girl Talk concert tomorrow night, and one next Friday. The Volkswagen will get some wrench love during the day tomorrow. I'll have to blog that work on the site too, because it's kinda green (flex-fuel and better mileage than my truck) and the design is classic. Need to finish it before we can replace that garage anyway.

Not getting enough done at work. :( Planning to lay down the law for the karaoke gig too, because I don't get my money's worth out of my workers. I need to accept that if it goes under for lack of me being there, so be it. It's had a good run, and I can still DJ or do karaoke for special events if I promote it. But first I should promote the Ladd's nights, and get more music.

USA: GTFO

2008-07-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

It's "kind of a big deal" that now Iraq is saying to get our troops out of Iraq. Their actual government, that we helped put in power. Hey, good idea.

I need to see more movies! So many good ones out now: Hancock, Wall-E, Get Smart. Firefly is so good, and when I'm done I'll watch Serenity. Maybe I'll buy that one.

Today I'm posting the container project on the email list, hopefully to get some feedback and maybe a boost with the planning materials that I need to finish ASAP for the competition.

drive

2008-07-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

4 big things are finally getting started.

I'm back in the weekend habit of working on the Volkswagen project. Yesterday we decided how to clear the driveway, and narrow down the parts needed.

On July 30th, we record my scratching for Kenn's new tracks.

By the end of the month I'll have my home project in presentation-grade format, and entered into a design contest.

At work, I've found the software I'm going to build a PACS solution out of, to replace the irritating archive and transfer setup they have now. It will make my life easier, teach me a lot, and make me look like a hero again. And of course, next year it'll serve to earn a raise.

Dating is lukewarm at best, but I can live without it for awhile. This stuff has to happen. July is my month. I should reward myself with an August vacation.

Ambition

2008-04-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

Steve the architect has given me some great advice on how to proceed with the container home idea. I'm looking into academic, governmental, and environmental initiatives that would be interested in seeing this sort of thing happen and learn from it. It's exciting to be a pioneer, and Portland is a great place to do this. My mom is all about it. We came up with a porch and driveway design, to spruce up the front of their house and make room for them to park without blocking the new construction.

Date was great Saturday. Going again tonight, to a concert.

Loser

2008-04-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

Stuff I've lost recently:

work key
karaoke briefcase
shoe discount card
tax receipts (but I found them later and have to re-file my taxes)

This is a really bad pattern. I have to be more organized and conscientious.

I need to watch and read stuff

2008-03-31T17:23:00.001-07:00

That weird death playing chess film.

Snowcrash.

Firefly & Serenity.

Dr. Who, new series, first season.

Superbad!

Priorities

2008-03-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

I'm going to become the go-to guy for tech at work again.

I'll teach myself Cisco IOS.

I need to make Karaoke something I can be proud of again.

I'm going to build a house out of shipping containers.

My condo will be inviting and tidy.

I don't pursue unavailable women anymore.

More dancing. Time to try capoeira Wednesdays.

I rock

2008-02-28T13:24:00.001-08:00

Seriously, this week I've been doing awesome at work. I have a fridge, I'm eating decently, and people like the Hutch.

Been re-thinking about the whole work/school thing again. I bet I could still do what I want without buying a degree with debt. At least, I can wait on that step. Lots of cool ideas. The world is my oyster.

Feeling more fit. Got the bike back in service. I can do handstands almost. Dancing is fun, and I found a great option for taking Capoeira on Wednesdays. The muscles are coming back.

Now, I just need to whip the condo into shape. Oh, and get more clothes for sure.

Crunch

2008-02-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

Work got tense again. Trust is fleeting. I have to do a lot of instant, thorough response and handsome reporting to gain back some credibility. That, and I have a trip coming up really soon so I have to bank even more goodwill and planning. Time for the responsible me.

Funds are a little tight too, and it looks like I owe the state for taxes this year. I'm going to be re-examining my financial situation and institute a real budget once again. I have the discipline, I just have slacked off. Same with exercise... getting back into that too. Recurring theme much?

Things are going well on the dating. So well that I'm getting emotionally drained by it, because I want it to keep going well in the right direction. Every word and move has huge significance. It feels good to be liked, and I should enjoy it more. I just get nervous about doing it wrong, and who I'm getting invested in.

The trip out of town could be a good break, but it's going to be hard being away from work and normal life. It would be great if when I get back, everyone who missed me will be happy about my return. Because now it's kinda scary.

I love this town

2008-01-30T21:57:00.000-08:00

I got to work late, bad Toddles. Work was low key. Got a promising response from a dating site with an email address, so we'll hopefully meet up soon. And I texted the woman I danced with 2 weeks ago, and she's up for tomorrow night. Sweet!

I still need a fridge, and decided to pack tonight solid: I drove to Standard after work, picked one out, drove back to Hawthorne, and watched Juno. Great movie, some hilarious dialogue and a touching story. Then I scoped out the Hawthorne Hideaway, where Shannon does trivia on Mondays. Interesting place, but not so cozy solo. Everyone was dressed dark casual and the place was drafty. Nice menu, and I had a chicken Caesar. The beer taps were sort of hidden but I figured out later that the have Heffeweizen among others. Made it home at 10.

A great song came on the radio on my way home from there. The people in my life are rad. Life is good.

Knight Rider

2008-01-24T18:06:00.000-08:00

The Mustang is too flashy, and not quite sleek enough. There aren't really many cars out there that would fit much better, unfortunately.

Some ideas, from American car companies:

Mazda RX8
Pontiac G6 Coupe
Saab 9/3 sport

Yeah, not so much. But it needs to be smooth as well as sporty. Chrysler has nothing, which says a lot for why it's doing poorly now I bet. Crossfire is too small, and Charger is too big and bulky (and very 4-door).

Just my style

2008-01-24T15:31:00.000-08:00

The trend of wearing tall patterned socks over leggings with boots and a skirt/dress: I approve, very much so. So artsy and sexy.

The coat, gloves, hat and boots need to happen soon. It's friggin' cold and I keep not having enough to wear. I also realized I avoid neutral colors too much. Part of the reason is that what goes with brown doesn't go with black, or blue, or whatever. But black or green gloves are fine, and I figured out what to do for a hat. I'm going to crochet it with help.

Karaoke is not going so hot with the promotion, and Saturdays are rocky too. I'm thinking I need a huge jump in song selection, as well as more promotion and activity ideas. I think it's time to try ToddB's ideas next. New books next week for sure, and I'd really like to computerize. It's do or die, employees or not.

I just saw some videos by The Pickup Artist, and it totally will change my game. Todd and I should pick a time to try it out. Ooh, the bellydancing scoop is perfect to use as an intro. Tonight at swing dancing I'll try to practice a better approach along with my dance steps. Overall, it's all about confidence, which I really don't have yet for swing. But if I'm secure in what I know and ask her what turns she likes, there's a chance to learn and have it be about her, while showing myself as adaptable and empathic. Aha. :)

Techy toys and lifestyle

2008-01-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

My friend Todd just got his Macbook! He's officially a Mac guy. I'm jealous but I still like the tiny EeePC. It's a little finicky sometimes though, so I hope it doesn't need to go back on warranty. I managed to break the screen on my iPod, but I got another LCD on ebay. Now I get to try to pull off this procedure. Looks scary. LOST is coming so I'm trying to get my computer set up to record video. I love the XBox Media Center for watching stuff on my TV, like it was supposed to be.

I finally started getting some much-needed clothes, and I'm working on a proper coat and footwear. The condo is coming together slowly as far as furnishings, but I'm still fighting the cleaning and pet odor battle. I'm taking Monday off for my birthday so I hope to get all that nailed once and for all. Honestly, I'd like to be able to have people over (both friends and in the dating context) and now it would give the wrong impression. My mom is helping with window coverings, to have something softer than mini-blinds and get much-needed insulation out of it.

Speaking of my birthday, I'm looking forward to going clubbing with some lady friends this weekend, platonic though they may be. Dancing with women is one of my favorite things and it hasn't happened nearly enough. But that's OK, because Thursdays have already shown some potential for dating and dancing with eligible women who don't already know me as asexual, and are pretty attractive in their own right. I'm doing a little better at not stressing about all that and keeping happy. The dancing itself is just starting to be fun, even though I'm early on in learning it.

I think I can actually say I like being single. Feeding myself and getting enough exercise/sleep still takes effort but I'm doing alright. Karaoke is taking effort lately, so I'm glad I'm not doing school this term; if all goes well, I'll have an operation to be proud of without it taking up as much time.

Some goals at this point:

Volkswagen!
chore, exercise and sleep routine
comfortable at swing dancing
few, organized possessions, all stored at home
a budget and financial plan (long-term care/retirement, real estate)
solid start on furniture or vehicle design project
fixed bicycle
DJ time set aside regularly, with all equipment working together
read and watch movies more

Oh, and I have to go on vacation! Hawaii and NYC are the closer/cheaper ones, and then I need to go international. Part of the budget.

Learning to program in python with the nephews just doesn't sound very appealing or feasible. All the more reason I'm getting sterilized.

Shopping

2008-01-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

I finally ordered some pants for work: Dickies in navy and silver. I still need to hit the outlets for shirts, sweaters, and more pants. I want some black jeans but they have to not look geeky, and I'm not doing the punk-rocker girl jeans.

Boots and a jacket will be tough. Well, boots should be easy enough at Al's, but the jacket is proving to be a challenge. I want it to fit flatteringly and not be too preppy or Highlander dork. It has to look right on an old cafe racer or Vespa to have the aesthetic I want. Some other shoes would be nice, like tweed Vans and some Asics runners. Oh, and real dancing shoes. That girl with the bowling shoes was cute. ;)

Love the Asus 701. I scored "White Blood Cells" on vinyl for under $25 with shipping in a lucky auction. My curtains are half done so I'll put those up soon, along with shelves and mirrors. The new rug is nice but I'm not convinced all the colors will work. They were out of the pillows I wanted for the couch.

I think I'll get a cheap LCD TV, for the bedroom and for mobile karaoke.

2008

2008-01-02T13:29:00.001-08:00

Alright, I've done the 100 things before I die list, and as evidenced here, I'm working to be more responsible. A new year list is a good start to consolidating all these endeavors. Here goes:

be more responsible
exercise consistently (every week)
make my home finished and tidy, and have people over
visit my parents regularly to do projects
cook dinner weekly
run karaoke in a professional way

There are more specific goals subsidiary to these, like learning dancing, and finishing my car. Being more responsible is a many-headed monster: budget formally including retirement, get stuff done promptly at work, sleep and get up earlier, and generally be better organized. Hell, I'm president of my HOA, time to act like it.

Exercising is a big one too. I'm doing basic strength exercises at home and walking as part of my commute, and I almost have the handstands down. First I should stretch more, and keep at the dancing. I need another capoeira class, and I'm considering yoga.

Oh, and this year I might learn programming along with my nephews. Python on the OLPC is pretty strong, and I bet I would actually use it to do web stuff if I knew how.

School will have to wait another term, until I get karaoke squared away and the home in order. But I have some good ideas to build a CAD station. :)

Counterfeit Art

2007-12-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

If you're not familiar with J. S. G. Boggs, this is his basic M.O.:

Create a one-sided drawing resembling paper money, but with different images, designs, and colors than the real thing.
Trade it at face value at a retail merchant, fully admitting that it is art and not legal cash.
Save the receipt and change, and sell it together online, with the name of the merchant they are from.
Watch collectors go nuts as they attempt to buy the original piece of art from the merchant, at far above face value.
See his art sell for 5 and 6 figures, framed together with the change and receipt that proves where it was spent.

I think it's brilliant, as a creative and social experiment. What's really wacky is the way he runs afoul of the Secret Service who think he is counterfeiting US currency. They just don't get it.

Modern Things

2007-12-21T09:19:00.001-08:00

I haven't been a Nissan fan lately, but this thing is slick.

The BMW ad for the new 1 series is kinda cool, and I'm a fan of the hatchback models. Mini-wagons do it for me. The Z3 coupe is interesting, and the Z4 coupe is even cooler: a classic sportscar shape.

My new Asus laptop is super fun, and always draws interested questions. It started acting up a bit yesterday though, so I hope it doesn't need warranty service. We'll see.

Dork out

2007-12-17T15:42:00.000-08:00

I didn't do a lot this weekend, but I got some of my Xbox features online. I now have weather forecasts on the TV, and I can watch videos stored on my computer through the TV. It's slicker than snot, picking recorded shows and checking weather with just the DVD remote. The online video stuff from Apple Trailers and YouTube don't work because my broadband is too slow, but I'll be setting it up to grab news feeds here and there, and maybe a video podcast.

Today I forgot we're having a white-elephant happy hour after work, but I improvised a gift. Thing is, I have a date at 7 so I won't be staying too long. I hope it goes well. I'm all self-conscious lately about my wardrobe and hair so I'm planning to change both soon. The condo is going to get a bunch of attention, with a trip to Ikea for all kinds of textiles. With the old windows, it's hard to get the place to warm up at all, so some fabric blinds should help a lot. Yesterday I wasted a lot of time on that, deciding which colors to get.

My exercise and sleep regimen have dropped off. Weekend karaoke eats up a lot of time and energy, and it's easy to just stay there all night without thinking.

I decided the way I have to make my lifestyle changes is to micromanage myself. If I think of it as supervising someone else, and detach myself from it enough to scold/reward myself as needed, it should get better results. This morning, I totally stayed in bed too long. It was bad, and I barely got to work in time for a meeting. Time to get another calendar, and record my exercise and sleep habits. I think just writing it down will encourage me to keep consistent and be more satisfied with the positive change. I need all the help I can get.

I did it

2007-12-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

Finally ordered my geek toy I'd been waiting to get: the highly sought-after new Asus EeePC 4GB.

It's little, not much bigger than a DVD case! At $400 it's perfect for me. Now I won't have to be ashamed of my heavy and archaic laptop with no battery life. And I got a glow-in-the-dark star to stick on the lid, as my own version of the glowing Apple emblem on every MacBook.

Came home from Canada straight to two karaoke gigs, a dead truck battery, and a fridge that has decided to become a heater. The work party wasn't so great, but some co-workers are trying to set me up with a 22-year-old who thought I was cute. A little weird, but charming. Just when I got a date with someone over 25, for next Monday. But I'll go clubbing with those kids some Friday if they invite me.

Lots of parties this weekend and next! Sundays I'm set on swing dancing so I have to learn some stuff pronto.

Off to see a friend play in a band, later kids.

Four full days

2007-11-26T10:35:00.000-08:00

The weekend had so much crammed into it. I slept horribly Sunday night and forgot to turn on the alarm, my feet were killing me, and my parents want my stuff out of their house, but I had a great time.

The dreams were weird. The big one was something Buffyverse style. I was in a group of people who were fighting the bad guy hordes, and we did a huge group ritual to bestow one person with magical powers to defeat the threat. ToddB was the chosen subject, and we all focused on a candle. At the end of the chant, I was close to the candle we all gestured towards, and the last phrase said we grant the power to Todd. He was up on a balcony and distracted, trying to rig some bombs to blast the enemies in the building. We all finish by pointing at him, and I even got lifted up somehow to be at balcony level. It didn't seem like anything happened, and Todd was like, "Wha?" as one of his bombs went off around the corner. Then I'm standing there looking around the corner down a slope. Now the bad guys weren't humanoid, but some mini-golem things that were all white. I turned to whoever was next to me (maybe Crystal) and asked, "Um, did we all say ToddB or just Todd?"

"Todd, why?"

"Uh, I think I got it."

"Seriously?"

Then I somehow charged up my hand, and shot a blast at one of the little stone minions coming at us. I spent the next little while trying to get the hang of charging and shooting the energy bolts. It was cool but unpredictable.

I got some homework done, but still have a ways to go to catch up when I get back from BC. The big project I have to do in the next two days is convert all my karaoke music to the computer. The same Saturday evening I return on the train, I'm KJ-ing the work Holiday party. It'll be nice at least having a backup, but I'm staying legal even if I have to run it at two venues.

Sunday was great! I finally went downtown for swing dancing. Lots of cute girls asked me to dance. Obviously not all of them are interested romantically, but once I'm better at it, I'll be doing the asking and chatting to get to know regulars. Eventually I'll move up to the Thursday lessons at the PPAA, but they teach a lot of steps on Sundays and repeating one or two would actually help me get them down. The folks have done swing, ballroom, and salsa so I'll get some pointers from them too.

Still doing some exercise every day, and it feels good.

momentum

2007-11-25T12:57:00.000-08:00

This whole not having Internet at home has turned out to be a welcome catalyst. That, and the long holiday weekend. I'm getting some of the homework backlog done and I finally switched out my alternator, so my truck runs reliably. Since I have to go somewhere to use the Internet, I plan it out in advance and don't waste time just randomly browsing. To that end I decided to start using RSS feeds to keep up on general web stuff, and just log into the mail once a day. If I get mail that I have messages on Myspace/Facebook or whatever, I'll do those later and spend minimal time there.

I've been doing resistance exercises every day since Monday and I'm not stopping. I think I can already see a difference in the upper body. I can do a handstand for a few seconds now. The flexibility is going to take longer and somehow I need to figure out some cardio besides walking I can do in bad weather. Once I get some more urgent projects done I can fix the bicycle and ride that when it's dry. The cardio is both to keep my weight/fat sensible and to warm up muscles for stretching. Some yoga would be cool, if it isn't too expensive or time consuming to take a class. Tonight I'll finally be going to the beginner swing dancing lesson at the Scottish Rite; should be fun. I also heard recently there was a study saying napping a few times a week is very good for heart health, especially in men. Not a bad idea, especially when I have karaoke late. I need to read more too so I'm going to read myself to sleep as much as possible instead of waiting to feel sleepy. In the morning I've been getting to work around 8:30. An improvement, but I'm still shooting for 8.

OK, it's 1:00. Time to get groceries, knock out some homework, and figure out how I'm going to rip all my karaoke music before the trip to Canada! The party for work I'm KJ-ing is right when I get back to town and my employees will be running the show that night with the traditional gear. Looks like today and Tuesday are my only chance. Hey, I'll bring the laptop to the bar Tuesday to finish it off, that'll get both done at once. Sweet.

New Purpose

2007-11-20T15:24:00.001-08:00

I'm going to use this blog to keep track of my progress in fighting lethargy. Procrastination, poor concentration, ADD, lack of exercise, they all plague me. Basically, it's being undisciplined and unmotivated. I'm sick of it.

Last night, I skipped class. Normally that's bad, but Sunday I didn't get enough homework done to turn anything in. All weekend I had no Internet, and I was still being a slacker! So after work last night, I got an alternator, did some laundry, worked on homework, and read myself to sleep at a reasonable hour. It was an improvement. I set up a schedule of when I was doing what and reminded myself to stick to it. It seems to be working. Oh, and I actually did exercise: two sets of descended pushups, and two sets of curls, as well as some leg stretching and handstand practice.

Today, I'm doing a bad job of getting work done, but I got here before 8:30. That's a huge improvement. The good sign is that I felt that sense of urgency which had been absent for too long. I'm shooting for 8 tomorrow, and from now on. I'd like to ride the bus with Laurel, that would be awesome.

coasting

2007-11-16T13:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not doing anything new just yet. Well, that's not quite true.

Karaoke starts Saturdays tomorrow. Got a new employee for that; hope it works out. I need to fix my karaoke collection. I'm going to try thinking outside the proverbial box, but still stay legal. Work wants me to do their holiday party on a Saturday so I think it's time to rip my collection to a computer for portability, backup, and private use.

Still behind on school. It's time to get serious about creating better time strategies and habits. I'm reading up on some online resources and new software. Chandler looks interesting.

Poor Kojak didn't get all the cancer removed with the surgery, it turns out. Next Monday I'm meeting with the doctor again and we'll see what makes sense for treatment. It's hard not to notice how expensive this is getting. I love that kid though, and we both deserve a chance at him living some more years of mobility.

No ladies in the picture right now. Probably a good thing. I'm content.

Sunday I'm finally doing swing dancing, no more putting it off. Should be fun!

Oh yeah, I got an espresso machine. Turns out the base is completely detached from the machine. Welding doesn't seem likely to fix it, so I'm going to try fastening it with some brackets next week.

Consumerism

2007-10-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Me want. I'm haunting ebay now.

Besides the cost and mediocrity of the Starbucks habit, I totally appreciate the aesthetics, nostalgia, and mechanism of a classic Italian machine. I'm probably going to keep it at work too. Then I preserve the social aspect and can even make decaf whenever the mood strikes without guilt.

Ikea is so great. I'm enjoying nesting, making my home look good. Oh how I love my modified electronics. The digital DJ thing will be a lot of fun, and I can't wait to drive my Volkswagen. I apparently thrive on physical projects. I can tell drafting is going to be a good outlet and career. Maybe I can make money on furniture, and eco-vehicles. That would rule. Let's see: I show up at a car show with a fat-fender hybrid, towing a solar trailer with an alcohol-burning motorcycle. Yeah, that would be awesome. And there's the whole hotship to Burning Man idea!

The projects

2007-09-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

My car is from a broken home.

My dad is about 2/3 done with replacing the garage roof and it doesn't leak very much. I can't wait to get my Volkswagen on the road. He needs a name.

How do they get out of this one?

2007-09-28T17:10:00.001-07:00

I figured out one way to move the backhoe without filling the hole first:

Put the shovel on the ground enough to put weight on it. Then back away from the shovel while moving the arm away from you. It acts as a leg. No idea if that's what they did; I'm just guessing.

lots to do

2007-09-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

I seem to be getting somewhere at work. At least, I'm keeping up a lot better and knocking out the visible stuff people have been asking about. I really need to get the GTD method to happen. Hopefully my new iPod will be a way to do that with to do lists.

Some chain reactions in progress that are good:

helping Karl with Linux Sunday, so I can fix my own computer with his CD
fixing parents' garage roof, so we can work on my car
moving with ToddB, and moving my own stuff out of storage (and getting the Xbox)
started class at PCC toward my drafting certificate

I really need to dedicate a whole Saturday or Sunday to working on my condo. Doing alright with exercizing. The main goal there is to do capoeira so I will stay fit and enjoy it.

Still staying off OKCupid and Myspace unless I get a message. It's not easy but I'm staying faithful to that commitment.

Shutting down

2005-01-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm retiring this weBlog. It hardly gets read, and I've never really been sold on the whole idea. Anything I write here usually belongs in email. SK's recent revelation has me realizing that my time is better spent elsewhere.

If this page has held any significance for you, watch for me to put stuff on my actual website sometime soon, at theHutch.net. After almost 10 years on the web, it's about time I put something up that I'm not ashamed of. But it might be awhile.

Shipping

2005-01-06T11:00:00.000-08:00

I've ordered a bunch of stuff online lately. It seems I have hassles whether things are sent to work or home, but I usually go with work. Postal is cheaper, but always a crapshoot as far as time and you don't get tracking. FedEx is decent, but cross-country with ground is nerve-racking with no updates for days. I hope my amp gets here tomorrow. Then I get to take it home on public transportation, oh joy. I think I'll drive.

Karaoke has been going pretty well. I seriously need better gear all around, except for the rock-solid microphones and my turntables. First priority is a pro disc player (Numark definitely), and then something to eliminate the hum that my scratch mixer seems to be causing. Back to shopping for mixers, and I need real road cases to set everything up right. Then I can just buy music awhile and pay stuff off, before getting my own PA.

The side benefit is that this is paying for my other DJ intentions, so I can start doing the hip-hop and dance/party spinning stuff. I hope to do remixing too with the computer, and incorporate my own tracks or rhythm layers into a set someday. Somehow I need to find time to learn bass guitar, too.

Microwaves

2005-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm a smart guy and I can usually figure out something electronic. But why don't half the microwaves out there let you press the number buttons for a time and then hit start? You have to select the power somehow (full power, thank you very much), or some kind of reheat/defrost mode, or other such nonsense. 9 times out of 10, I just want to microwave something for a minute or two. Don't make it that complicated to do. I'm hungry and I want something now, that's why I'm using a microwave.

I still haven't figured out this one here at work; I just hit the reheat button and take it out when I think it's done, because the microwave obviously doesn't know. Shame on anyone who buys a microwave that forces you to hit more than one button besides the numbers just to start it. It's just enabling the designers' disease.

Update:
I figured out this crazy Magic Chef. If you press "power", and then just enter a time and press "start", it will cook at full power. Maybe later I'll fiddle around with it more sometime, and figure out how to make the "power" button actually select the power level. The funny part is that there's actually a button on this thing labeled "fish fillet". Yeah, people are gonna use that all the time, put that on there.

Another website suggests that the reason for all the different wierd control panels is patents. Companies selling cheap microwaves just make something new up, instead of having to pay to license someone else's patented design. That's a shame, since patents are declared invalid if the design is "obvious" or has been done before the submitter. I'm sure press-numbers-to-start-a-timer qualifies for one or both. But I guess a lawyer fighting the patent office costs more than a bad button designer, so that's what the corner-cutting cheapo brands do.

Successful Debut

2004-12-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

Saturday the fourth was my trial by fire, as it were, and it went well! Now I'm a karaoke DJ (a.k.a. KJ). It was fun, but more work than I guessed. People said I did a good job, and most importantly, better than the people currently running it at the bar. Soon I should know when I'm taking over the weekly slot.

Lots more music and equipment to buy, but that's kinda fun.

How's my songlist?

2004-11-20T10:24:00.000-08:00

I dropped some serious coin on a lot of good-quality music for karaoke. Here's a list of songs I've already bought; the second shipment gets here on the 30th. I'm making one last big order of discs before my opening night, so I'll post those songs soon. Notable artists will include Weird Al, No Doubt, and Led Zeppelin.

Karaoke progress

2004-11-01T13:22:00.000-08:00

I finally got confirmation that they're willing to give me a chance to run Karaoke at the bar! Ordered the DVD/karaoke player, and I'm looking for a good starter collection that I can build on. That's the key component which will make or break the deal, since selection is the main source of dissatisfaction with the current DJs. Once my setup is ready, they'll try me out on a Saturday to see how it goes.

The DJ was pretty bad on Friday: he dissed people's song selections a couple times, and had the mics hot enough to get feedback. It'll be easy to do better, and I won't feel guilty replacing them. Apparently the owner was impressed by the karaoke at another bar on a Tuesday, so I'll check them out this week to pick up some pointers.

Let me know what artists y'all want to see! Already planning to have System of a Down and Eminiem for sure.

We will rock you

2004-10-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

So I had an idea: I was thinking about how I want to replace my dead laserdisc player, and I may as well get one that plays karaoke discs. Then I realized the people that run karaoke down at the bar aren't a permanent fixture yet, and SK is related to the owners. Why not add a few things to my DJ setup, and run karaoke my own self?

Last night I tried to hit the guy up at his bar, but he left during the first song. Hmm. I left SK a message, and did the same at the bar... no call yet. Guess I'll go shopping online for the player now. After that, all I need is a microphone and some karaoke discs! Already got speakers and a mixer. Heck, a friend at work even gave me a mic stand. Later I can improve my sound gear and add a TV.

I know how to do it right... call out who's on deck so more people stay, and keep that song list up to date. I don't even need a huge collection, as long as I get people to tell me what songs they want, and then get 'em. Most places play bits of interlude music between songs, but I'd keep it short, and maybe even spin some vinyl.

A little closer to video...

2004-10-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

So I figured out what driver I need, and loaded it somewhat successfully. I'll need to try another version and fiddle with it, because the tuner isn't working. At least the device is being detected now.

If you use Linux, don't buy the current Hauppauge WinTV-Radio. It's got the newer Connexant chip, not a Brooktree 878. It's not worth it just for stereo sound. Even if I get this thing working, I'm not buying another one for the PVR I plan to build for my parents; they're getting a cheapo BT878 card that works easy.

Sorry if this computer stuff is boring, but getting this $70 investment to work has been an all-consuming ordeal. When it's done, I'll have something about as cool as TiVo with a DVD recorder, so it's going to be worth it.

Sometimes being a geek gets tiresome

2004-10-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

So I tried Gentoo Linux on my home computer, because RedHat 9 was showing its age and I hated the package dependancy problems. Almost a month later, I'm sick of it. Yeah, it grabs dependencies for you and compiles everything from source, but packages still get broken, and configuring stuff is a pain. I don't have the time for this...

But really, my main problem is getting the drivers for my video capture to load. Is it just me, or are the modules pointlessly complicated? I just want to load a driver, and have it tell me if it detected my card or not. I think I'll just try another kernel first, but the whole devfs thing that Gentoo uses seems to be getting in the way of simplicity.

If you know what all that means, you probably have more patience than I do. Leave me a comment if you have any bright ideas, or exceptional documentation about V4L drivers and making /dev/video0 work.

Sorry, domain down.

2004-10-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

TheHutch.net is offline, and I thought it was my fault for forgetting to renew my registration. Turns out the address of the server changed, so I just had to update it. Should be working tomorrow, but if the picture won't load, that's the reason probably. Unless you're reading this much later, of course. At least mail is still working, from what I can tell.

UPDATE OCT 06: Back online. Now you can read my incomplete website again, lucky you.

band names

2004-10-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

A buddy of mine used to make them up all the time, but now I'm trying to come up with a name for a DJ + drummer project, with possibly some synthesized layers. Here are some brainstorms...

Mythodical (was going to be a DJ name)
Crunchy
Hitmen
Forge(ry?)
Undermine

I'm sure this won't be the end of the list.

NW Natural is teh suck.

2004-10-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

I just had the strangest conversation with the gas company. They're now officially worse than the cable company: I have to take a whole day off from work Wednesday and wait for them to get there so they can do a "safety check" on our furnace, before they will turn on the new gas service that they just connected to us. They actually suggested leaving a key outside so they could get in, and no, they wouldn't let me bring it to their office. First she offered to have the technicians call 10 minutes before they arrive so I could go home from work. Who lives that close to work? Then I asked her to have them call anyway so I'd know when they're on their way. Nope, that's too much work for them to call everybody for 30 seconds each, unless they are actually at work.

All this is after fighting with them for a month, to get us connected for new gas service. It's not rocket science, it's something they do every week. Maybe I wouldn't be dealing with this if the sellers of our house had actually had the new gas furnace hooked up to a gas line. They aren't charging me any money for the hookup, so the seller really has no excuse. Maybe I can sue the guy in small claims court for selling us a house with no working heat.

I can't believe the incompetence. Now I'm considering converting the furnace to propane just to be rid of these morons. Apparently they don't want our money badly enough to not suck.

UPDATE:

I called back because now I have a meeting on Wednesday. The guy starts with the phony scripted "how may I provide you with excellent service?" So I tell him my story, and ended with "I'm not sure how you CAN provide me with excellent service. It doesn't sound like an option."

To make a long story short, homey came through for me. Now I just have to take Tuesday afternoon off, but they might arrive after 5. No worries; they'll be done in record time, since the furnace is A-OK. I had to fix the wiring on the thermostat myself, though: whoever installed the furnace connected it to some excessively-spliced wires going nowhere, instead of the thermostat wires that I found dangling nearby.

Sweet, glorious heat -- it's about time. At least this weekend will be warm.

Extended warranties

2004-09-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

Just like any brief insurance policy, an extended warranty is only a financial advantage to the minority of customers; it is designed to turn a profit. There's a lot of talk about how they are not only a ripoff, but how much stores like Best Buy and Circuit City will force their employees to push them aggressively.

So, it occured to me: make a T-shirt that says simply, "No, I do not want the extended warranty." It would even be kinda funny when you're not shopping, and I think it would make buying a DVD player with cash a little quicker. Maybe I'll start a CafePress store...

buzzwords

2004-07-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the glory days of my corporate/dot-com employment. MSN has an article with the new industry buzzwords. And don't forget about Action Item!

Americans

2004-07-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

So, I found a use for this thing. The idea about how Europeans hate genetically-modified (GM) foods with a passion, but Americans are mostly indifferent toward them, came up in email. It made me think of the many things that are the opposite -- popular in the rest of the world, but not stateside. Here's my list:

- diesels
- hatchbacks
- nuclear power plants
- Fanta
- pro soccer ("football")
- men's fashion magazines
- the metric system

That's all I could come up with. Feel free to post your own as comments.

I don't 'blog' really.

2004-06-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

That word still bugs me. I have a site at TheHutch.net that I'm working on, with specific topics I'm interested in. Check that out instead, since I basically just created this account so I can post comments on my friends' entries.